Why God Sometimes Changes Us Before He Changes Our Circumstances

Learning to trust God’s work in the waiting

Waiting has never been easy for me.

I wish I could say that I’ve always handled waiting with perfect faith and patience, trusting God every step of the way. But the truth is, some of the hardest seasons of my life have been seasons where I felt like I was standing still—praying for things to change while nothing around me seemed to move.

Those seasons test your faith in ways you never expect.

You pray.
You cry.
You ask God for answers.

And sometimes the circumstances don’t change right away.

For a long time, I believed that if I prayed hard enough, believed strongly enough, or waited faithfully enough, God would eventually change the situation I was in. I assumed that was the goal—to fix what was broken around me.

But over time, I started to see something I hadn’t understood before.

Sometimes God doesn’t immediately change our circumstances because He’s doing something deeper.

Sometimes He’s changing us first.

And often, the work He does inside our hearts during those seasons of waiting is what prepares us for the life He’s calling us into.

A Season of Waiting I Didn’t Understand

One of the longest waiting seasons in my life happened within my own marriage.

My husband and I went through an on-again, off-again period during the early years of our relationship. It was a confusing and painful time. We had a newborn, and those early toddler years should have been filled with stability and certainty—but instead there were moments where our relationship felt uncertain.

I remember praying so many times during that season.

Prayers through tears.
Prayers late at night when the house was quiet.
Prayers when I felt exhausted and unsure what the future would look like.

Even in those moments, though, there was something in my spirit that held on to hope.

I truly believed God would bring us back together.

There were moments when I felt Him whisper to my heart:

“Hold on. Trust Me.”

But trusting Him didn’t mean the waiting suddenly became easy.

There were days when I wondered why it was taking so long.

Why wasn’t God fixing this situation faster?
Why wasn’t everything falling back into place yet?

When you’re in the middle of a painful season, it’s hard not to ask those questions.

Looking back now, I think one of the biggest lessons God wanted me to learn during that time was something I didn’t even realize I needed.

He wanted me to learn who I was.

Not in a relationship.
Not in someone else’s expectations.
But in Him.

Finding My Identity in the Wrong Places

For a long time, I measured my worth through my relationships.

If a relationship was going well, I felt secure.
If a relationship was struggling, I felt like something must be wrong with me.

My identity was tied to how loved, valued, or chosen I felt by someone else.

And I don’t think I’m alone in that.

So many of us—especially women—quietly measure our worth by the roles we play in other people’s lives.

Are we loved enough?
Are we needed?
Are we enough for the people around us?

But when our identity is built on other people, it becomes fragile.

Because people are human.

They make mistakes.
They struggle.
They change.

And when our sense of worth is tied to something unstable, it leaves our hearts vulnerable.

During that waiting season in my marriage, God slowly began teaching me something that changed the way I saw myself.

My identity was never meant to come from another person.

It was meant to come from Him.

Scripture says:

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them.”
— Genesis 1:27

That means our value isn’t something we earn.

It’s something we were created with.

But sometimes God allows us to walk through seasons where the things we depended on fall away—because He wants to rebuild our identity on something stronger.

On Him.

When God Calls You Before the Doors Open

There was another season in my life that felt very similar.

It was when I first started feeling God calling me toward ministry and speaking.

At the time, I didn’t have a platform.
I didn’t have an audience.
I didn’t even know exactly what that calling would look like.

All I knew was that something deep inside my heart kept pulling me toward sharing my story and encouraging others through faith.

But here’s the thing about callings.

Sometimes God places them on our hearts long before the doors open.

During that season, I journaled constantly.

Almost every day.

I wrote about what I was feeling, what I was struggling with, and what I believed God was speaking into my life.

Some days my journal entries were full of hope.

Other days they were filled with questions.

“God, is this really what You’re calling me to do?”

“Why does it feel like nothing is happening yet?”

But over time, something beautiful started happening.

Through those quiet moments of journaling and prayer, God began speaking to my heart little by little.

Not through big dramatic moments.

But through small, gentle reminders.

Through scripture.

Through quiet clarity.

Through the realization that maybe this season wasn’t about building a platform yet.

Maybe it was about building my faith first.

The Waiting Seasons That Shape Us

Waiting seasons often feel like wasted time.

But they’re rarely wasted.

In fact, they’re often the places where the most important transformation happens.

Because when God delays the change in our circumstances, it forces us to look inward.

It forces us to ask deeper questions.

Who am I really?
What do I believe about God?
What am I holding onto that I need to surrender?

The Bible reminds us:

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
— Romans 5:3-4

Notice the order of that scripture.

Perseverance.
Character.
Hope.

God often builds those things in us before the breakthrough we’re praying for arrives.

Because who we become in the waiting will shape how we handle the blessings that come later.

Motherhood Taught Me This Too

Motherhood has also been one of the greatest places where God has had to change my heart before changing my circumstances.

I became a mom at 19.

In many ways, I was still growing up myself.

There were moments where I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility. Moments where I questioned whether I was doing enough or being the kind of mother my children needed.

And over the years, motherhood has looked different with each child.

I’ve been a different version of myself with each one.

Not because I loved them differently—but because I was growing too.

Some parenting situations have been incredibly challenging.

There have been times when I prayed desperately for a situation to change.

For behavior to improve.
For peace to return.
For things to become easier.

And sometimes those prayers didn’t get answered the way I expected.

Instead of immediately changing the situation, God began changing my perspective.

He softened my heart.
He stretched my patience.
He reminded me that growth—both for my children and for me—takes time.

Motherhood has taught me that sometimes the greatest transformation doesn’t happen in our children.

It happens in us.

The God Who Works in the Waiting

Looking back over these seasons in my life, I can see something now that I couldn’t see while I was living through them.

God was never absent.

He was working the entire time.

Just not always in the way I expected.

While I was praying for circumstances to change, God was:

Healing parts of my heart.
Strengthening my faith.
Rebuilding my identity.
Preparing me for the calling He placed on my life.

Sometimes we ask God to remove the storm.

But instead, He teaches us how to stand in the middle of it.

Scripture reminds us:

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.”
— Psalm 37:7

Waiting patiently doesn’t mean doing nothing.

It means trusting that God is still moving—even when we can’t see the results yet.

When God Finally Changes the Circumstances

Here’s the beautiful part.

Eventually, many of the circumstances we pray about do change.

But by the time they do, we’re not the same person we were when the waiting began.

We’re stronger.
Wiser.
More grounded in our faith.

And sometimes, we look back and realize that if God had changed the situation sooner, we might not have been ready for it.

The waiting prepared us.

The waiting grew us.

The waiting transformed us.

Maybe God Is Working in You Right Now

If you’re in a waiting season today, I want you to know something.

Your waiting is not meaningless.

God is not ignoring your prayers.

And just because your circumstances haven’t changed yet doesn’t mean He isn’t working.

He may be doing something inside your heart that will shape the rest of your life.

He may be preparing you for something greater than you can see right now.

Or He may be gently teaching you the same lesson He taught me:

Your identity, your worth, and your purpose were never meant to come from your circumstances.

They come from Him.

A Prayer for the Waiting Season

God,

Waiting is hard. Sometimes it feels lonely, confusing, and exhausting. You see the prayers we’ve been carrying and the circumstances we wish would change.

Help us trust that even when nothing around us seems different, You are still working within us.

Strengthen our faith during the waiting.
Heal the places in our hearts that need Your touch.
Remind us that our identity and worth come from You alone.

Give us patience to trust Your timing and courage to keep believing that Your plans are greater than anything we can see right now.

And when the day comes that our circumstances finally change, help us recognize the beautiful work You’ve done within us along the way.

Amen.

With all my love,

Debbie