The Version of Me I Had to Let Go Of Learning to trust God with the woman I thought I had to be
I chased her for years.
That woman who had it all figured out.
The mom with endless patience.
The wife who stayed calm under pressure.
The believer who never questioned God.
She seemed perfect.
And I pushed myself hard to become her.
My schedule was packed. My smiles were forced. My faith was always on display.
But deep down… cracks were forming.
I felt the weight of trying to be “her.”
And slowly—it began to crush me.
The Night That Broke Me
There’s one night I’ll never forget.
All five kids were bouncing off the walls.
Toys were scattered everywhere.
Dinner was burning on the stove.
A toddler was crying.
One of the older kids needed help with homework.
My phone was lighting up with unread messages.
Everything felt loud. Overwhelming. Chaotic.
And there I stood in the middle of my kitchen—frozen.
My heart was racing. My hands were shaking.
“Tired” didn’t even begin to describe it.
I felt completely empty.
And the thoughts came rushing in:
“Why can’t I handle this better?”
“Good moms manage more than this.”
“Faithful women don’t fall apart like this.”
Then came the guilt.
Because moms are supposed to feel grateful, right?
And women of faith are supposed to trust God without hesitation…
But I didn’t feel strong.
I didn’t feel peaceful.
I didn’t feel like I had it together.
I just felt… human.
The Lie So Many of Us Believe
So many women carry this quiet, heavy lie:
“If I were stronger, I wouldn’t feel like this.”
“If my faith were deeper, I wouldn’t struggle.”
We see it everywhere—perfect lives on social media, smiling families, polished faith.
And it tricks us into believing that flawless means faithful.
But God never called us to be flawless.
He calls us to surrender.
The Moment Everything Shifted
That night didn’t end in my kitchen.
It ended on my bathroom floor.
The house was finally quiet. The kids were asleep.
I slid down against the cold tile, exhausted and defeated.
Tears fell quietly.
I didn’t have the energy for a “perfect prayer.”
All I could whisper was:
“God… I can’t do this.”
And instead of shame…
I felt peace.
A gentle reminder filled my heart:
📖 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9
Not when I’m strong.
Not when I’m performing.
Not when I have it all together.
In my weakness.
That’s where He meets me.
Letting Go of Who I Thought I Had to Be
That was the moment I began to let her go—
The version of me I thought I had to be.
She was exhausting.
She was unrealistic.
And she was never who God asked me to become.
Instead, I’m learning to become a woman who:
Asks for help without shame
Feels deeply, but doesn’t stay stuck there
Trusts God even when doubt is loud
Shows her children what real faith looks like
Because real faith isn’t perfect.
It’s honest.
What Real Faith Actually Looks Like
Real faith isn’t:
Always calm
Always confident
Always put together
Real faith is:
Choosing God in the middle of the mess.
In the laundry piles.
In the sleepless nights.
In the arguments, the overwhelm, and the moments you feel like you’re failing.
It’s choosing Him—again and again.
A Lesson I’m Still Learning
I used to think strength meant holding everything together.
Now I know:
Strength is letting God hold me together.
Some days, that looks like a simple prayer over my coffee.
Some days, it’s just making it through the day.
And you know what?
That’s enough.
Because He is enough.
You Are Not Failing—You Are Being Formed
If you feel overwhelmed…
If you’re questioning yourself…
If you’re silently wondering if you’re enough…
Hear this:
You are not failing.
You are being formed.
📖 “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” — Philippians 1:6
God is not disappointed in you.
He is developing you—right in the middle of your real life.
In the sleepless nights.
In the chaos.
In the moments that don’t go as planned.
For the Mom Who Feels Like She’s Drowning
If that’s you today…
If the noise feels overwhelming…
If your mind won’t slow down…
If you feel like no one sees how much you’re carrying…
Take a deep breath.
📖 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
Not when you have it all figured out.
Not when everything is perfect.
Right now. Just as you are.
Closing Prayer
God,
Meet her right where she is. In the overwhelm, in the exhaustion, in the quiet moments where she feels like she’s not enough. Remind her that she doesn’t have to carry everything alone. Silence the lies and replace them with Your truth. Give her peace in the chaos, strength in her weakness, and the deep knowing that she is seen, loved, and held by You.
Help her release the pressure to be perfect and embrace the grace to simply be Yours.
Amen.
Final Words
You don’t have to be everything.
You just have to be His.
And that…
is more than enough.
With all my love,
Debbie